Every morning I sit in the quiet, seemingly alone. I begin to read from the books beside my chair, the Bible with its broken binding and a collection of tattered devotions, and my mind is quieted. My heart begins to open. In my loneliness, as I read and ponder, I realize I am not alone.
Before long, I praise His wonders and the coming of summer, another birthday. A big one.
His Love and Faithfulness are with me, even when I think I’m alone. My Lord’s hand sustains me. He knows the places that are hurting inside me and takes me there. He instructs me with His Word: The words of a person’s mouth are deep waters, but the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.
He reminds me that I am His instrument and that He has placed His Spirit within me. He tells me to speak up for those deprived of justice. He will provide the right words at the right time. Trust.
He reminds me that humility comes before honor, that it’s His Power within me. I am clay beside granite.
He reveals my struggle with perfection. He tells me He has placed the desire for it within me and that He is the only one who can fulfill it–looking to relationships, my work, my success or lack of it creates idols. He says, let Me fill your yearning for perfection.
And I do nothing? I ask. I’m nothing? I think. See my pride? I say.
He sees it. He is teaching me that He will provide my heart’s desire.
Believe, He says. Be full of courage and take a deep breath.
I bow my head and ask for mercy. I remember to give thanks then glance at a shelf filled with a decade of journals full of His morning messages to me. Do You remember my prayer when I entered my last decade?
Yes, He says, You asked that I make you into a woman of God.
Right, keep going, okay?
Isaiah 5; Psalm 89; Proverbs 18: 1-2; Luke 4: 1-13; Acts 26: 19-32